Sometimes even when both parties want the other person/relationship, it doesn’t work. My previous SO and I broke up not because we didn’t like each other but because I recognized how different we were in goals, lifestyles, and places in life. I wasn’t sure if we would be able to reconcile the differences between us. After a long talk where we both shared our perspectives, he agreed with me, and we made a very hard decision to let go of each other even though we liked each other a lot.
Many people believe that love can hold everything together. To a certain degree, it does. But I believe love by itself can’t make things all possible no matter how hard people try and/or no matter how badly they want the relationship to work. If have significantly different goals, lifestyles, or at very different places in life, a relationship will not work.
Why does it matter so much to have these same qualities in addition to love? As a couple, you’re suppose to work as a team. How will you and your significant other be able to do so if have fundamentally different ways or views in pursing a fulfilling life? In the end, one or both partners will be unsatisfied in the relationship.
Unfortunately, romantic movies give false expectations (talked about in an earlier post) and skews how love in relationships actually looks like. It’s ok to have differences but the fundamental values should line up with each other or have the flexibility to respect the differences.