I have made mistakes of my own and witnessed mistakes of others, so here’s my few pennies worth on this subject.
1. You have to be your own person first.
Too many people lose their identities because they want to fit in. In the process, they isolate themselves from their true friends. In a couple of years, fitting in with that group will not matter anymore.
This also applies to romantic relationships. I’ve seen others become so engrossed with their romantic partners that everything else falls away. Once the relationship ends, they don’t know what to do with themselves and quickly move on to a new significant other, which leads me to my next advice.
2. Give yourself a period of time (at least a month) to be single before dating someone else, especially if you just came out of a long term relationship.
I feel that it’s important to reflect on the relationship and really think about it. What did you learn about yourself? You have to grow as an individual. I think it’s very unhealthy to relationship hop because to me, it shows that the person is addicted to a feeling- the “honeymoon phase” feelings.
3. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
It’s nice to have someone to cuddle and be intimate with. But what if you know that the person you’re with is not the one? Are you willing to break your heart?
I had a classmate that told me that she didn’t feel like she had the strength to break up with her boyfriend at the time even though she wanted to. I found that to be very saddening. For one, this ties back to the first piece of advice of becoming your own person; she had lost her identity in the relationship. Secondly, I felt sad for the other person because I realized that she was just keeping him around for the sake of having a boyfriend and the perks that come along with it.
From my understanding, her boyfriend wasn’t all that great to her. She deceived herself by saying she was happy how things turned out because she didn’t want to let go.
To the guys and girls that have gotten comfortable in a relationship but know your significant other is not the one, don’t settle. Be brave enough to let go.
4. The people that communicate with you even when they don’t need or want something from you are your true friends.
Most of the time, the text messages that come up on my phone are related to school. Usually, someone needs photos of notes and that’s the end of the conversation.
5. It’s ok to cut ties with people. It doesn’t mean that you hate them; it just means that you respect yourself.
They may be good people, but you don’t like what they do. For me, I started cutting ties because I realized that even though I was prioritizing them in my life, they weren’t doing the same for me. So, I started to back off. Yes, it can be lonely, but I rather surround myself with people that truly enjoy my presence than with people that don’t put in effort on their part.
Honestly, I’m guilty of not putting in effort on my part also. It is something that I regret, and I’m making efforts to not do that again.